The Magic Bowl, Part 1 – Private Ritual, Public Display Thursday, Jul 15 2010 

There is no better immersion into the vast canon of classical music than an al fresco, starlit night at the Hollywood Bowl.  It is a testament to Los Angeles’ often derided cultural capital that such a treasure not only exists amidst the swirl of celebrity tinsel-itis, but flourishes three months out of every year and has done so since 1922.

Having seen live music far and wide, I nominate the Bowl for Best Overall.  It’s California’s most mellifluous socio-cultural gem, and would rank high in the country as a whole.

When aliens touch down and The Committee to Bore Them With Banalities is formed, I will petition against a night at the Celebrity Scientology Center, and for a Cabernet and classical at the Bowl.

The myth of venue’s creation mirrors the origin of theater in ancient Greece.  Both traditions evolved from exclusive spiritual gatherings held in the woods, into secular entertainment open to the public.

In the Archaic period, it was the worshipers of Dionysus giving libations to Mother Nature while drinking and chanting and dancing and occasionally ripping a fellow celebrant limb from limb.  The metamorphosis into proper theater took centuries to complete, but the potential carnage is the unconscious reason most of us go.

The Mysteries were a celebration of the vegetative cycle: birth, growth (the ordeal of life), death, and rebirth.  The Cult’s primary ambition was to escape the artifices of society and celebrate uninhibited loss of self in nature.

The primal dithyrambs they performed to achieve “oneness” included trance-chants, repetitive drumbeats, and head-flailing.  Oh, and the wine.  In copious quantities.

Outsiders called the rituals hedonism.  But even then, the Cult would have it as a compliment.  Madness was precisely what was lacking in Athens.  Too many philosophers dissecting life. Embracing the chaos was far healthier than suppressing it.

The more convoluted city life became, the more the Cult sought the remedy of escape from it.

Maenads dominated the early rituals: enculturation repressed them even more than men.  But soon all marginals– slaves, foreigners, the disabled– were welcomed.  Costumes, masks, and sets intensified the experience.  To lose the masks society imposed, artificial masks were worn.

Over the centuries, free-form deistic channeling grew into formalized art.  Both endeavor to transcend civilization and its discontents.

During Pericles rule, the ritual culminated in Athens at a three-day festival, complete with award ceremony, and after parties. (See Plato’s Symposium)

The word entertainment is used now, but the essence of attending a movie or concert or play, is still in “escaping into oneness”.  The Hero’s journey is universal, be it Odysseus or Bourne.

The Hollywood Bowl has it’s own fun in the woods history.  It was The United Lodge of Theosophists, a group of religious philosophers (some say, a cult) deep into Brahmanism, who decided to stage a location specific production of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar.  The year was 1916.

The group did not want a traditional staging.  Or audience.  They were aiming for something more enlightened and the necessity of having to trek deep into unlit  wilderness weeded out all but the most committed adventurous.

The production was was set along the hillsides and thickets of Beachwood Canyon.  It was an underground success that inspired another production the following year: a religious pageant called Light of Asia, chronicling the life and labors of the Siddhartha.

Word of the show’s ethereal subject matter and mystical presentation spread like a fire, as did the interest in building a permanent theater outdoors.

As in Ancient Greece, dilettantes championed the cause.  The heiress Christine Stevenson, one of Light of Asia’s producers, formed the non-profit Theatre Arts Alliance and purchased the entirety of The Daisy Dell, located in Bolton Canyon, now the Hollywood Bowl.

With the help of Charles Toberman, a developer whose trophies included The Roosevelt and Grauman’s Chinese Theater, the deal was sealed for under fifty thousand dollars.  Toberman then donated surrounding lands in hopes of insuring the bucolic setting’s protection from future developers.  He also spearheaded the thwarting of Mulholland Drive’s preferred route, which threatened to pass right through the dell in the early 1950’s.

The Bowl became an immediate destination for Angelenos, drawing thousands in its maiden season.  But the venue was not without it’s deficiencies.  As the largest natural amphitheater in the US, seating nearly 18,000, (the Odeon at the base of the Acropolis seats 14,000), the Bowl’s acoustics failed to satisfy conductors and audiophiles.  Much has been spent over the decades to improve the sound quality of the band shell.

In 1927, architect Lloyd Wright, Frank’s least traumatized son, lent a Modern design to the shell, with unornamented concentric rings.  Beautiful as it was, the curvilinear shape was far from acoustically ideal.  As crowds grew and sat further up the hill the need for amplification became a necessity.

Frank Gehry tok a swing at the design in 1970 and had new issues to contend with, like ambient noise from the expanding Hollywood freeway, and the slowencroachment of residential development left unprotected by Toberman.

Collaborating with an acoustician, Gehry added “sonotubes” to the wings of the shell in hopes of bouncing the waves out.  But the tubes prove ineffective and alter the shell’s trademark look.  A decade later, after more money is raised, Gehry crafts another design, this time hanging fiberglass spheres in mathematically precise locations.  It is an improvement, but doesn’t completely mitigate the problem.

In 1996, a proposition appears on the state ballot asking for voter funding to overhaul the shell once and for all.  The proposition passes, but the Hollywood Historical Society, preferring form over function, sues to stop renovations. “It’s a dangerous set of precedents…”  Says the Society’s president.  “The door has been left open for the bulldozers.”

Fortunately, the Society loses the trial and is denied appeal by a music loving, wine drinking three-judge panel.  It’s all for naught as new designers Hodgetts + Fung vastly improve the shell’s acoustical capacities while preserving, some say streamlining its look.  The new sound system is praised the LA Times by and endorsed by the L.A. Philharmonic.

Every summer starting in June, Tuesday’s and Thursday’s are set aside for classical music ranging from High Baroque and Romantic to Modern and Contemporary.  Entrance can be gained for as little as $8, and wine and picnics are encouraged.  So eat and drink your face off.

Some interesting moments unfold.  Be ready to take in more than the music.  Once during a Wagner overture, two traffic helicopters passed overhead.  Had the conductor secretly coordinated a sly reference to Robert Duvall blasting Ride of The Valkeries in Apocalypse Now?  Or was that shit just chance?

Listening to the symphonies in these circumstances is vacation.  The only thing better would be time travel back to the 17th century for an authentic Grand Tour.

The Magic Bowl, Part 2 – Madness and Musical Creativity Wednesday, Jul 14 2010 

Grand Tours, as they was known in the 17th Century, are responsible for inspiring may of our most famous composers.  The idea is believed to have originated in England.  After an elite education at “Oxbridge” (either Oxford or Cambridge), graduates would journey through Europe with a tutor-like guide in search of the highest art and culture.  The Renaissance had awakened not only a refinement in the appreciation of classical antiquity, but also an awareness of a burgeoning European cultural legacy.

Depending on how full the coffers were, a “tour” could last anywhere from a few months to a few years.  With deep pockets, a blue-blooded social network, and not the slightest concern for getting back to work, patricians toured as many cities as they could get to, commissioning every genre of art (paintings, operas and symphonies), polishing their language and etiquette skills, and exchanging ideas with the Continent’s fashionable upper crust.

Paris was a mandatory destination, but equally vital were Florence, Venice, Rome, Geneva, The Lucerne, Athens, Berlin, Dresden and Vienna. It was the epitome of finishing school for any young man or woman, and a near guarantor of certified social prestige.  Historian E.P. Thompson wrote, “ruling-class control in the 18th century was located primarily in a cultural hegemony…” Grand Tours were the most direct way to enter that culture.

Value structures have shifted today, but there’s still some cultural capital gained in knowing the cannon of classical music.  Using the Hollywood Bowl as a campus for learning is both expedient and fulfilling.  Studying the symphonies before hearing them deepens the experience, and the Hollywood Bowl website does an expert job of preparing you for the music you are about to see.  In many instances, the tumult these composers were entrenched in at the time of creating their work is as engaging as the composition itself, especially for the archetypically eccentric geniuses. Or less euphemistically, madmen.

A common denominator linking the originators of ancient Greek theater, the Hollywood Bowl and the master composers whose works live on in its beautifully mottled canyon, is a voluntary immersion into creative insanity.  The brief chronological survey of composers that follows reveals lives filled with wildly idiosyncratic behavior, life threatening heath issues, financial destitution, political persecution, profound underappreciation, and spurts of inspired luminosity.

Vivaldi (1678-1741) was a fascinating paradox: master musician and composer… and ordained priest.  His claim that - prevented him from standing long enough for mass was challenged by the Bishop of Venice’s observation that he had no trouble on his feet when a violin was in his hands, or while he was conducting his appallingly secular operas.

That Antonio was notorious for touring with a retinue of indecent young women (actresses, dancers and singers, oh my) might have helped to season the church’s rancor.  His reputation was scandalous enough for the Bishop of Parma to ban him from playing anywhere in the city, which of course, increased his popularity every where else.

Vivaldi commanded ludicrous quotes for live performances, but in proper madman fashion, he was equally profligate with his savings.  He inevitably fell out of favor in his God-fearing homeland and immigrated to Vienna to claim a post from the fabulously wealthy Emperor Charles VI.

Unfortunately, the emperor dropped dead moments after Vivaldi’s arrival, leaving him with no source of income.  His globally popular, and now wedding-worn Four Seasons was virtually unknown in its original edition and Vivaldi like so many underappreciated genius composers died financially destitute and in extremely poor health.

Handel (1685-1759) showed acute musical acumen in his single digits on both harpsichord and pipe organ. But his father hammered the mantra into little George’s head that music was anything but a legitimate career.  He forced his son into law school, and like most obedient, financially dependent young men, George complied.

After his father’s death, Handel drove himself nuts with a prolonged identity crisis.  Many guilt wracked years passed, until he made the hard but error-free decision to quit the law and pursue his musical aspirations.

His career break came in composing Water Music for King George I– not the paragon of madness George III would be, but still well off his royal inbred rocker.  King George’s biggest thrill was to pack guests onto a Royal barge loaded with food and wine and women, and drift down the Thames listening to jaunty little tunes, played live.  His Majesty enjoyed Handel’s Water Music so much, he demanded it be played three times, even though it lasted an hour.  They were crazy nights on the river, but who better to float around with than the kingdom’s happy-go-lucky sovereign.

Handel suffered a paralyzing stroke that ended his performing career.  The brush with death left him in a deep depression, but it also inspired the legendary Messiah oratorio, written in 24 sleep deprived days, as well a catalogue of other compositions he was unable to create due to his demanding performance schedule.  Like many of his peers, he needed deep personal adversity to fire him up.  To get him writing. Unlike the majority of his peers, Handel died with a sizable estate, one greater than his father’s, or most lawyers in London, for that matter.  May they all rest in peace.

Haydn (1732-1809) was responsible for creating the string quartet and did a great deal to establish the symphony.  He also stands out as one of the luckier profiles with no major ailments and zero financial turmoil.  Unlike Vivaldi’s luck of the draw, when Joseph’s regal employer, Prince Paul Esterházy, died soon after his arrival, his more enlightened, far wealthier brother Nikolaus kept Haydn on for the next 30 years, inspiring him to compose music in every genre, and spreading his reputation worldwide.  His madness was fairly polite, according to peers.  It manifested itself in frequent practical jokes played on friends, as well as in his more personal compositions.  One example is the sudden loud chord in During the slowest movement of his Surprise symphony, No. 94, Haydn inserted a sudden loud chord just to see the audience jolted.  Other musical pranks include fake endings (quartets Op. 33 No. 2 and Op. 50 No. 3) and the bizarre rhythmic illusion that unfolds in the trio section of Op. 50 No. 1.

Prototypical bad boy prodigy Mozart (1756–1791), composed his first piano concerto at 4, after which his father took him a 3-year Grand Tour of Paris, London, The Hague, Zürich and Munich.

His reputation spread through the continent, but the complexity of his work confused performers and audiences alike, making for several lukewarm premiers.  Though he would eventually bow to standing ovations from Monarchs and their sycophants, Mozart could usually be found pawning valuables the following day to fund the journey to his next destination.  Insanity.  Having 6 children and a wife didn’t help his life long financial reckoning.  Not did his committed lifestyle of hard-drinking and philandering.  Most of the writings he left behind were desperate campaigns to fellow Freemasons for survival money.

The creation of his Requiem Mass is the paragon of brilliance and delusion.  In the summer of 1791, a messenger knocked on Wolfgang’s door with a commission.  Payment would come from an anonymous source under the condition that he never seek the identity of his Master.  The composer was so out of his mind ill, and destitute, he agreed unconditionally.

He wrote the darkly fatalistic work in a state of mad delirium, fueled by cheap wine, and convinced the commissioner was none other than Death himself.  He believed he was being administered a slow poison, in calculated measures, to time his own death with the exact moment of the Requiem’s completion.  He wrote a friend, “I am writing my own funeral music.  I must not leave it unfinished.”  He died at 35 with the work unfinished.  Fortunately for the planet earth, he had completed over 600 others.

Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827) ranks just ahead of Mozart for wildly misbehaving hair.  It’s a self-conscious point of pride for many composers (and is till this day) to have the ability to conduct via hair whips and head flings, (see Gustavo Dudamel.)

Luddy was fortunate enough to study with Haydn during his Grand Tour of Eastern and Central Europe.   He and his hair settled in Berlin, one of Europe’s proudest musical centers– but was tortured by his inability to enjoy a single minute of it due to progressive deafness.  “I am living a wretched life; for two years I have avoided nearly all social gatherings because it is impossible for me to tell people – I am deaf!

In addition to hearing loss, Ludwig suffered perpetual intestinal pain, and an excruciating liver disorder due to lead poisoning that would eventually end his life.  Before that unfortunate day, however, he would compose the most inspired and demonic roller coaster rides of symphonic sound ever heard.

“Extraordinary” was the euphemism critics used for his conducting style.  What they really meant was– freak show.  Beethoven oscillated between a teetering, trance-like flow and sudden spastic jerks.  He would disappear from the orchestra under the conductor’s stand, kneeling almost as if trying to root himself and then snap into the air at the height of a forte, spreading his arms as if in seizure.  Sure ancient Greek Maenads would have recognized the moves.  During one sforzando, he flailed his arms with enough force to extinguish a candelabra, and on another occasion, accidentally backhanded a youngster off his size 4 feet after he had come close to watch the master’s hands on the piano.

Beethoven contemplated suicide several times, mostly while doting on his “Immortal Beloved.” His love was unrequited.  His friends described him as demanding, acerbic, temperamental and disrespectful of authority.  These were his friends.  He would storm off stage if an audience were anything but pin-drop silent and was loath to chitchat. He scandalized soirees regularly, offending high status guests.  But his Teutonic talent led Archduke Rudolph to proclaim the rules of court etiquette did not apply to him.  Not much in the ordinary world did. He was brilliant and batshit crazy.

Franz Schubert (1797-1828) meets the irrational genius criteria with flying colors.  His ego was almost as wide as his waste-line. He was a towering 5 feet tall, four feet wide, and struggled with obesity his entire life.  He suffered from high blood pressure, anemia, migraines, “giddiness” (your guess is as good as mine: giggling and weeping uncontrollably at the same time?) and exhaustion, and likely contracted syphilis in 1822.

For the record, lambskin prophylactics had been around since early Egyptian dynasties, and the modern “rubber” since 1855.  But syphilis is postulated as the source of insanity in so many brilliant minds of the past (philosophers included) that one wonders why it was not rolled on more often.

Schubert’s physician recommended he move far from Vienna where fresh air and open countryside abounded, but his underlying motivation was to keep Franz from the boozing, gorging, nighttime “extracurriculars” responsible for his degenerative state.

He spent his last days in a sweat-covered delirium, vehemently singing out of context, naked, and in brief periods of lucidity, correcting proofs, clothed.  Miraculously, during his last few weeks of life, Schubert was able to complete a series of his greatest masterpieces: the String Quintet in C, and the final three piano sonatas.  He was astoundingly prolific and completely dead at 31.

Robert Schumann (1810-1856) liked little girls.  He had “relations” with a 16-year-old student to whom he became engaged, but broke it off to pursue a more mature 15 year-old, Clara Wieck.  When her father got wind of their trysts he forbade her from further “lessons”.  Schumann was shattered and asked him for her hand, only to be flatly refused as a wicked pedophile.  He married her after the man’s death a few years later.

Schumann’s mental illness took root in auditory hallucinations and several other maladies indicative of going koo-koo for Coco-puffs, most likely brought on by syphilis.  Horrified by the prospect of prolonged infirmity, he attempted suicide by diving headlong into the icy Rhine, only to be rescued by a local fishermen.  At his own behest, he spent the rest of his life in a mental institution outside of Bonn, dying at the age of 46.

Franz Liszt (1811-1886) had an enormous natural technical facility on the piano and composed unabashed showpieces for himself.  Lauded by Emperors and peasants alike, he was the 19th century’s first virtuoso superstar.  Women fought over his handkerchiefs and ripped his gloves to shreds as souvenirs.  Franz loved the action, and became known for his victories in the boudoir as well as for his anti-Classical triumphs in the concert hall. Apparently, his talent was not the only enormous gift he was endowed with.

Adding to his mythic popularity was his enthusiasm for giving away proceeds to churches, hospitals, and schools.  He too was plagued with constant illness, severe religious doubts and the requisite Hungarian pessimism and bleak despair.

Fortunately he had an outlet, as he told a friend.  “I carry a deep sadness of the heart which must now and then break out in sound.”  Right.

His tragic demise was nearly nonsensical.  He fell down the stairs in a hotel one night and was laid up for months.  The spill led to a rapid breakdown in health: cataracts, insomnia and heart disease.  Questions of medical malpractice loomed after his death.

Brahms (1833-1897) had a distinctly inverted form of wackiness: he played piano as a teenager in Hamburg’s waterfront pubs surrounded by prostitutes and dancing girls.  But the straight shooting, perhaps hormone-less Johannes was focused solely on his music, perhaps too much so.

Brahms had a debilitating respect for the history of music and his place in it.  Beethoven’s prolific accomplishments, for example, cast a daunting shadow over him.  He compared himself unfavorably to Luddy, and all too frequently.  It was a paralyzing self-criticism.  He was so pathological about revisions that he did not complete his first symphony until age 43.

Luckily, Schumann became his friend and benefactor, and began promoting the young talent.  Brahms reciprocated by falling in love with Schumann’s wife.  As his mentor’s mental illness set in, Brahms took to “consoling” his bride Clara.  “I am dying for love of you,” he wrote in lusty ink.  But Clara clung to her husband with unwavering loyalty.

Johannes nearly lost his mind over the rejection, but in proper genius fashion, he channeled the frustration and pain and sexlessness into the masterful Third Piano Quartet.  Being Brahms, he stuck it in a drawer for 20 years before completing revisions that would give us all goose bumps hearing it two hundred years later.

Interestingly enough, though Brahms never married, his legacy was secured as the first major composers to ever make a recording  In 1889, one of Thomas Edison’s representatives invited him to record his Hungarian dance on the piano. The recording, still remains.

Bizet (1836-1875) showed signs of musical genius at a wee 4 years old.  He was admitted to the Conservatoire de Paris at 9, and had planned or projected 30 operas by 13, one of which was Carmen.  He won the coveted Priz de Rome at 17, but as his professional career began, he was plagued by indecision and insecurity: changing direction mid composition, dropping promising ideas, and devastated by negative criticism.  It was an early sign of his questionable sanity.  Verifying it came a few years later.  The Priz de Rome exempted him from all military service, but when the Franco-Prussian war broke out in 1870, Georges enlisted in the National Guard anyway.  Wackjob.

Carmen premiered in Paris in 1875 to a thoroughly unimpressed public.  Critics denounced the libretto as indecent and debauched.  Bizet died three months later from a heart attack at 36 years old.  In the following years, Carmen became one of the most phenomenally popular operas worldwide, receiving ferocious endorsements from Debussy and Tchaikovsky.  Brahms saw it performed over 20 times.  It was Freidrich Nietzsche’s favorite opera of all time.

Gustav Mahler (1860-1911) was obsessed with death and dying, and vexed by every other aspect of his life from daily diet to lack of fitness to the mystical significance of numbers.  The end of humanity was also a favorite topic of conversation for the composer.

His first symphony took a protracted 15 years to complete and represented his internal chaos in its full spectrum.  Hushed, harmonic meanderings smashed into orchestral shrieks without warning.  It was said that only out of the wreckage of a total orchestral collapse did Mahler’s symphonies achieve any sort of resolution.

His anxieties were exacerbated before all big performances, often to the point of him trying to back out commitments.  On more than one occasion, Mahler insisted a performance be cancelled due to lack of preparation for musicians, sub par acoustics, or his own unworthy composing.  He referred to the dress rehearsal of his 8th symphony as a “catastrophic Barnum-and-Bailey performance.”  It was a smashing success.

He was also pathologically concerned with the fidelity of his much younger wife and successfully manifested the fear when she had an affair with a lanky architect.  Mahler visited Freud in Vienna in hopes of stemming the trauma.  In his notes, Freud hypothesized that the wife’s resentment found its origin in the composers “withdrawal of his libido” from her.  Mahler was saving his semen for his art.

He so feared dying after his 9th symphony, as his idol Beethoven had, that after his 8th was complete, he chose not to number it.  He never completed his 10th, therein realizing his premonition.

Gustav Holst (1874-1934) took on the universe in composing The Planets.  He did not consider the symphony his best work by a long shot, so of course it became an instant hit and the work with which he would forever be associated.  As many of us do with our free time, Holst taught himself Sanskrit and wrote several operas in Hindi.

Listening to Béla Bartok’s (1881-1945) First Piano Concerto, you would swear the man was substituting the ivories for a drum set.  Pounding rhythms and arresting measure progressions were interrupted by unexpectedly provocative calms.  It premiered in America in 1928, and was received with equal measures of perplexity and loathing.  Bartok wasn’t the slightest bit phased, though.  As far as he was concerned, America wasn’t very discerning when it came to classical music.  What it did offer that Europe did not, were avocados, which he fall in love with in Los Angeles.

His opera The Wonderful Mandarin achieved the type of scandal the Concerto lacked.  The plot unfolds around a prostitute who lures a Chinese man into a hotel room so her pimp daddies can rob him blind and asphyxiate him with the hotel bedding.  It premiered in Cologne, a city of churches and monasteries, and elicited such a repertoire of catcalls and foot stomping that the mayor signed an edict banning it citywide after a single performance.

Unruffled, Bartok waxed philosophical about the story to a reporter: “The Chinaman is a good catch, as it turns out.  The girl entertains him with her dance. [His] desire is aroused.  The thugs attack… rob him, smother him with pillows, stab him with a sword, all in vain, because the Mandarin continues watching the girl with eyes full of yearning… The girl complies with the Mandarin’s wish [for sexual consummation] whereupon he drops dead.”

Hector Berlioz’s (1803-1869) father sent him to Paris to study medicine, but the youngster simply could not resist the lure of the opera, and found himself there more often than the lab.  He attended a performance of Shakespeare’s Hamlet and instantly fell in love with the actress playing Ophelia.  He barely understood English, but returned to see her again in Romeo and Juliet.  Smitten, he asked to meet the thespian, Harriet Smithson, but she refused.  He was devastated, and referred to her in the proceeding heartbroken years as his Juliet.  He became engaged to another woman, but weeks before they wed, she jilted him for a life of guaranteed boredom with a piano manufacturer.

Berlioz finally broke through with his hypnotic Requiem, a work commissioned by French officials to mark King Louis-Philippe’s survival of an assassination attempt; an odd commission, but you take work where you can get it.  A paralyzing writer’s block halted all creativity on his next “great symphony”, but the arrival of his Juliet (Smithson) in Paris broke the spell.  They agreed to marry, and in a rush of optimism and productivity, Berlioz completed his psychedelic opus Symphonie Fantastique in a matter of weeks.  It was performed in the Great Hall of the Paris Conservatoire to bedazzled audience members including Victor Hugo, Niccolò Paganini, Alexandre Dumas, and Heinrich Heine.

Mendelssohn (1809-1847) was as impressive a child prodigy as Mozart, but he had the added benefit, (or deficit as some see it) of coming from a filthy rich, over educated family.  His grandpa Moses was a powerhouse philosopher who confabulated with intellectual gargantuan GWF Hegel.  Dinner table conversations lasted for months.

Felix’s father was one of Berlin’s most established bankers and funded his son’s four year Grand Tour.  The enculturation was invaluable as Mendelssohn successfully penned several of his masterpieces– the Octet and the Midsummer Night’s Dream Overture among them– as a mere teenager.  By 15, he had completed 12 symphonies, and two comic operas.

Felix’s ego matched his talent as he thought little of his contemporaries, Berlioz, Meyerbeer, and Liszt, and said so publicly.  When a pair of strokes silenced his genius at 42, Wagner, now married to Liszt’s daughter, Cosima, began a campaign in writing, (Das Judenthum in der Musik) to besmirch Mendelssohn as a hack whose music was mere Jewish sentimentalizing.

Tchaikovsky (1840-1893) wrote his famous Concerto for his teacher, the legendary pianist, Nicholas Rubinstein, hoping he would premiere the work.  They had collaborated several times in the past, so no one was more surprised than Pyotr when Rubinstein trashed his composition as “unplayable, broken, disconnected, and so unskillfully written that it can not even be improved.“  Fortunately for history, Tchaikovsky ignored his teacher outright, altering not a single note.

His death added to his already considerable mystique.  It was either a dose of cholera from a sip of contaminated water, or a Socratic suicide induced by the “scandal” of his uninhibited, socially unacceptable homosexuality.

Like most greats before him, Dvorak (1841-1904) didn’t have a pot to piss in his entire life.  He tripped into a decent survival job, however, as the growth of commercial music publishing took off in the mid 19th century.

As pianos became more common, so did the amateurs who played them, and with that, the demand for pieces to be played in living rooms.  Instruction books were in short supply and Dvorák was among those wise enough to rework some of his catalog for less capable performers.  Work begat work, as publisher Fritz Simrock, introduced him to Brahms who helped launch Antonin’s career.

Debussy (1862-1918) was a pioneer in the fame-used-for-getting-laid category.  As his star rose in Paris at the end of the 17th century, Claude had his choice of promising young women, among them painters, musicians, and writers.  Instead he married a super-model who impressed his friends, but irritated him to death with her devout superficiality and utter disinterest in music.  Having a good eye for character and a better sense of drama, Debussy left her for the mother of one of his students, a brilliant conversationalist, and accomplished singer.  The model attempted suicide with a pistol.  Claude fled to England with his now pregnant mistress until the scandals subsided and multiple lawsuits were settled.

Rachmaninoff (1873-1943) adds new hues to the Russian composer museum of oddities.  Like other nearly autistic musical prodigies, Sergei could hear a symphony and play it back the next day or year, or decade with terrifying accuracy.  His teacher would assign as demanding a piece as Brahms’ Variations and a day later the Segei would perform it with an artistic finish of the most thorough and dedicated study.

Rachmaninoff was a daredevil on the keyboard, speeding through impossible progressions at a hundred miles an hour, but the uncompromising complexity of his own work left audiences unsure of how to react.  Further confusing them was Rachmaninoff’s unsmiling, seemingly inimical bearing at the piano.  His slightly Mongoloid features, extremely large hands with inhuman finger stretch, protruding ears and 6’ 6’’ stature, did little to soften to his presence.

His list of ailments was equally impressive: debilitating arthritis, eye strain, fatigue, bruising of the fingertips, chronic back pain, pleurisy, bi-polar disorder, and depression.  He managed to spend his last years in Beverly Hills, of all places.  One can only wonder what he made of the borscht at Nate & Al’s.

Prokofiev (1891-1953) is the exemplar of persecuted artist and led a tragic existence for not capitulating with the Totalitarian leadership of his homeland.  In 1917, while Trotsky, Lenin and the rest of those rowdy Bolsheviks were preparing bloodless revolutions to topple the czarists from power and declare Russia the globe’s first socialist state, Sergei was composing at a fiendish pace.  That year alone he wrote the Classical Symphony, the steely Third and Fourth Piano Sonatas, the epigrammatic Visions fugitives for solo piano and the Violin Concerto.

The maiden voyage of the Concerto was scheduled for November of 1917, but the freshly toppled government was temporarily orchestra-less.   Like other Soviet intellectuals, Sergei used it as an excuse to flee to Paris for what he claimed would be “a brief concert tour”.  It lasts 15 years.  His admirers include the best of the Parisian avant-garde: Pablo Picasso, Alexander Benois, Anna Pavlova, Arthur Rubinstein, Joseph Szigeti, and Nadia Boulanger.

He returns to Russia in 1933 to score Eisenstein’s Alexander Nevsky, as well as collaborate with Moscow’s Bolshoi Theater.  Stalin is in the audience, hears an incidental exaltation of a rival, and is outraged.  Sergei’s best musicians are purged to frozen nether regions and his music is ironically labeled ‘anti-democratic’; coded words which strike enough fear in symphony administrators to stop programming any of it, and leaving the aging genius in dire financial straits.  Later, his wife Lina is arrested, charged with espionage, and banished to Siberia. For the remaining five years of his life, Prokofiev lives in terrified squalor often on the verge of starvation.

Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971) brings the survey full circle with his genre shattering composition to the ballet The Rite of Spring, choreographed by Andre Nijinsky.  The ballet’s story, set in the wilderness, revolves around the ritual Pagan sacrifice of a virgin to God of spring.  The premier in Paris in 1913 was nothing short of Bacchanalian.

The score’s opening dissonant scale progressions, asymmetrical accents and fragmented melodies jarred the predominantly traditional audience.  Ballet dancers took the stage, but their barbaric stomping and overtly sexual rhythms depicting the fertility rites further alienated the crowd.  Arguments between conservative bourgeoisie audience members and an incipient, radical avant-garde degenerated into all out fisticuffs in the aisles.  Nijinski screamed over the melee from backstage in hopes of keeping the dancers in tempo, while the troupe’s stage manager cut the lights to calm the fray, all while the band played on.

The police arrived at intermission but chaos ruled the rest of the performance.  Stravinsky considered the presentation a catastrophe, and the critics, of course, agreed.  But they were both dead wrong.  The neoclassical (some said neo-primal) movement in music had been born.  Leonard Bernstein dedicated a portion of his Harvard lectures to the piece, claiming that its sophistication has never been topped since.  The piece continues to influence composers around the world.  It is one of the most reproduced compositions in all of music history.

Like his predecessors, Stravinsky suffered from all kinds of heart palpitating hypochondria.  He battled all kinds of anxieties, intense insomnia, and developed a near tangible terror of writing at night.  When the sun set, he put his work aside, and twiddled his creative thumbs till daylight.

Bugs Bunny (1940– ) is appropriate for concluding not only chronologically, but because he is the maddest of all great artists.  To date, no other composer, conductor, or musician, has been so animated.  Nor have any of the aforementioned composers conducted with their ears and feet, as Bugs did brilliantly at the Hollywood Bowl.  He chose Franz von Suppé’s Ein Morgen, ein Mittag und ein Abend in Wien, a challenging piece that was further complicated by the tiresome persistence of a fruit fly.  Bugs also gave devastating performances in Rossini’s Barber of Seville, and Wagner’s Ring Cycle, both co-starring Elmer Fudd, and cementing the refrain of “Kill the Wabbit” forever in the minds of several generations.

Bugs holds the most direct link to The Hollywood Bowl in the production of his major opus, Long-Haired Hair.   Mr. Bunny modestly adopted the pseudonym Leopold for the performance, but it is obvious to connoisseurs who is waving the baton.  It was during this opera, where Bugs’ relentless, demanding conducting style forced his tenor to hold a note so long that the entire band shell came crashing down around the performer.  The destruction, wildly applauded by the sold out audience, is an often forgotten chapter in the band shell’s long, colorful, controversial history.

The Woman Who Started It All Friday, Jun 11 2010 


She started it all, really; character monologues woven together to form a thematically linked theatrical performance.  She called them ‘monodramas’ and though many of them were comedic, odd regional accents and quirky behaviorisms eventually gave way to deeper observations about human psychology.  In addition to her dazzling, chameleon-like transformations, audiences were also getting a digestible dose of well-crafted social critique.

It’s disheartening how obscure her name remains today, even with experienced theater folk, as she pioneered an oeuvre that has increased in popularity over the last 100 years.  Without Ruth Draper, there probably wouldn’t be Nichols & May, or Lily Tomlin, or Whoopi Goldberg, or Eric Bogosian or Spalding Grey, to name a few.

George Bernard Shaw was a fan.  As was Lawrence Olivier and John Geilgud. Henry James was so fond of her he wrote her a monologue of his own.  Edith Wharton consoled her after the death of her boyfriend (she was never married).  Helen Keller attended several performances with Anne Sullivan diligently tapping the text out on her wrist. Studs Terkel interviewed her on his radio show several times.  “My God, how brilliant she was,” gushed Katherine Hepburn.

Not a bad legacy for a gal who began performing in her parent’s living room.

Ruth Draper was born in 1884 into a family of high pedigree.  Her father was a surgeon and her maternal grandfather was Abraham Lincoln’s Secretary of War and later, editor of the New York Sun.  Her choice to pursue acting did not sit well with either.

The Industrial Revolution had pushed the classes further apart in New York and those in the upper class (and upper Manhattan) simply did not pursue careers in theater.  Touring was grueling, paid little, and prohibited proper relationships.  Most saw actors as a notch above prostitutes, which sometimes they were.  And if not, they were probably cavorting around with them, drinking late night in mixed company or philandering in the cheap seats just like they did in the galleys of Shakespeare’s Old Globe.  (It’s rumored there was more action in the stalls than on the stage.)

But the parlors and drawing rooms of estates were a different story.  The wealthy took pride in hosting cultural gatherings, and there was certainly room to do it: musicians and authors and poets were the mainstay of their soirees, and performing in a someone’s mansion was far from the pedestrian environment of a public theater, and significantly harder to get an invitation too.

This is where the young Ruth Draper cut her performing teeth.  It was a pianist friend of her parents, and a highly respected artist in the parlor circuit himself, that first noticed Ruth’s exceptional ear for mimicry and encouraged her parents to cultivate it.

It was only a matter of time before Ruth was captivating the salons of her peers, many of who were up and coming patrons of the arts.  She could imitate any class of character from the Teutonic German nanny who home schooled her, to the family’s language-butchering Yiddish tailor.  She had an especially acute ear for her own kind: the educated, privileged and superficial.

Her most famous monologue, The Italian Lesson, parodied a middle-aged socialite for gossiping more about how her Italian lessons made her erudite, than actually learning to speak a word of the language.  It was spot on.  And when heard today… alarmingly contemporary.

She also wielded a rather nasty, if not accurate, impression of her sister Dorothea.  Though she claimed not to base her characters on real people, one can only imagine the plethora of material she culled from her seven siblings.  In one of her monodramas, “Three Generations In a Court of Domestic Relations.”  She wow’d audiences by playing a feisty grandmother, a worn-out mother, and the ambitious 17 year old daughter all without leaving her seat. “Instead of leaving the stage to adjust the shawl, I just drop it from my head to my shoulders, and then for the young girl i just fling it off.  I think it’s the speed of the transformation that impresses them.”

Her peers couldn’t articulate what it was that made her so engrossing, but they lined up to see her perform.  She said of her creative process, “…If you’re completely given over to what you’re portraying, you will convince other people…”  She had not lost her youthful imagination or enthusiasm.  The popular Nietzsche aphorism (of whom she was no doubt aware) comes to mind: “Maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child, at play.”  Ruth had “maturity” in spades.  She also depended on an enlightened audience.  ”The audience must work as well as I do.  Their imagination must be fired and supply all that is not there.”

Some critics thought she was a snob.  But it was never about social status with Draper.  It was about taste.  There were those that had a finely tuned aesthetic sense, and sought fulfillment from nuance, and then there were blockheads.  The Twenties unearthed a good bit of nonsense along with its literary highlights. And for Draper, the spectacles that passed for art were utter nonsense.  Her few visits to Hollywood left a bad impression of what “second-rate taste” looked like.

Ruth was at the height of her powers when New York entered its pre-crash golden age.  The twenties were roaring, and for every wanna-be Gatsby fighting for a seat at the Algonquin Round Table, there was a hidden gem like Ruth beginning to sparkle.  Her reputation spread quickly throughout the city and performances at parlors began to reach capacity weeks in advance.

At her busiest, she was doing forty bookings in five months, all without an agent or manager.  She would “wow” one gathering, and another would instantly materialize.  She went from one living room to the next, literally across the country.  Her hosts were a who’s who of recognizable names: Astor, Stuyvesant, Whitney, Roosevelt (yes, Eleanor).  They were epic evenings.

It didn’t take long for word to cross the pond.  Draper became a mainstay with the Royal families in Britain and Sweden.  Though not formally paid, she was sometimes bestowed with priceless jewelry.  It was a phenomenon that surprised even her.  “Another sold out night in Paris,” she would say with a sarcastic sigh.  But it was real

Though a petite 5’ 4’’, Draper knew how to command attention.  Her portrayals were bold and convincing.  And she never pandered.  Her characters were treated with the utmost respect no matter how ignorant or destitute they may have been underneath.  She inhabited them completely, and with dignity.  The spectators felt privileged just to watch.

She was generous with her fans; answering mail and cultivating friendships with admirers.  After a performance, one story goes, Ruth offered two sycophants a ride in her carriage during a thunderstorm.  The fans sang her praises, and then lamented they had never heard “The Italian Lesson” in all their years of seeing her.  Draper did it for them on the spot.

She had many close friends, but remained single for most of her life and struggled with it in her voluminous letters.  Her vocation might have intimidated many men, but Ruth claimed she would have given it up for Mr. Right.  No one believed her.  The more famous she became, the more her schedule (which at one point toured Africa, India and South America) prohibited her from maintaining a sustainable relationship.

One man capable of handling a girlfriend that was performed for heads of state and earning more money than he ever would, was Lauro De Bosis, an Italian poet twenty years her junior.  It was a passionate affair, but three years into their relationship, Lauro was killed while flying a small plane.  Draper would never replace him.

Interestingly, she did not perform in a theater proper until her late 30’s.  She eventually conquered Broadway, late in her career.  She was in her mid-fifties when Thornton Wilder nominated her for membership in the Institute of Arts & Letters.  Unfortunately (for the Institute, that is) the organization’s strict definition for playwright did not include monologues.

It was a double-edged sword, to be an artist’s artist.  One 1920’s critic commented that Martha Graham, like Ruth Draper, was “condemned by the uniqueness of her talent to appear only in works of her own creation.”

She threatened to retire several times, but they were idle.  At 70, Draper had an estimated 40 monologues at the ready, some of which were over half an hour long.

On December 29th, 1956 after another sold out performance at the Playhouse Theatre, Ruth took a carriage uptown to dinner, and returned to her home to die peacefully in her asleep.  The funeral at Grace Church was standing room only.  Her coffin was shrouded in the many shawls she wore when bringing her irreplaceable repertoire of characters to life.

How To Get Filthy Rich In The Theater Tuesday, May 11 2010 

Exactly how does one compete with a film like Avatar?  Box office grosses have surpassed a billion dollars at this point, and eager spectators are still flocking.

When your average American has a choice between experiencing a fully blown alternate universe with a simulated cast of thousands in a fantasy-action-scifi-adventure-environmental-love-story in IMAX 3D for 15 bucks, or an existentially-loaded exploration of how humans deceive themselves in airport terminals, performed by one person for 85 minutes and for twice the price, they tend to choose the former.  What gives?

What does one have to do to win back an audience?  It’s a semi-facetious question for any artist living on the planet Earth.  And one that must be confronted with courage, alacrity and Spartan self-discipline.

In my case, there are several elements I would have to achieve to compete with Avatar.  The first would be a larger advertising budget.  At present, I would say my advertising budget is about $36.55 a month, which is what I pay for my web connection.  Writing emails to friends from high school and church and people I just met on the subway, begging them to come see the show, has been an extremely effective campaign.

But I must cast a wider net if I am going to compete on a global scale.

Say I met a producer who really, really loved the show.  Say he wanted to work with me in getting the production to a higher level.  I would reject his calls off the batt unless he could put up 200 million dollars for advertising.

With that initial seed money, I would buy an airline; one of the financially stable ones that gets all the ESPN channels like Virgin or Jet Blue.  I would then change the name of the company to The Common Air, which is the name of the show.  It would gleam, blindingly, on every airship’s tail and wingtip.

Then, whenever someone bought a flight, no matter where they lived, there would be one of those surreptitious boxes you have to check at the very end of the purchase process, the one you don’t see at first but that the web page won’t let you advance past until you have “accepted” its terms, and it would read, in 1 point, light grey font, that every flyer must lay over in New York and see my play, price of ticket not included.

I think this would work well, and word of mouth would not only spread, but literally fly through the air.

Another essential marketing strategy that I can’t afford at present, is to befriend more extremists.  From what our former vice president says, they’re all around us.  You could be one, reader, and not even know it.  Certainly, the swarthy neighbor next-door is one, or is friends with one for shiz.

Though it’s hard for me to admit (and I’ve been advised by several legal experts not to) when bad things happen in airports, it’s great for the show!  Our best night at the Bleecker 45 box office was December 30th, five days after the now infamous underwear bomber tried to blow up a plane on Christmas day.

Many people had seen the show, and many more had been hearing about it, and the incident rekindled, or inspired people to talk about it, and then buy a ticket.  “I just saw a show about this very thing!” I imagined them saying.  “It’s quite good.  And it’s in 3D.  You should go.”

The other would respond, “Yes.  Yes I think I will go see that topical, socially relevant show.  What better thing to do in the face of today’s shameless fear mongering and paranoia than to embrace a parody of terrorism and self-rationalization?”

It might not go exactly like that, but close, I would think.  And I have an ear for these things.

I’d also spend stupid money cross-promoting on the Weather Channel.  Because just as bad news about terrorists incidents are good for the show, so is inclement weather.

When the Weather Channel began reporting potential delays due to bad weather, I’d begin preparing myself to go straight to the closest airport.  Normal people do whatever’s in their power to avoid being near any airport in a storm.  But I’ll be bolting at breakneck speed with my tech team to prepare for a performance.

My plan to compete with the likes of Avatar is not to ask my audience to come out and see my show, but to bring my show directly to my audience.

I’ll bus my entire production to whichever airport expects severe delays and have a captive audience due to circumstances beyond their control.

I’d need two giant tour buses that have all kinds of amenities like Wilco has.  And probably a private jet, which I’d already own, because I’d have purchased an airline.  I don’t think Wilco has a jet, because Jeff Tweedy is probably all green and whatnot, but if they did, they would probably have all kinds of cool shit in it, because they have kids they have to keep entertained.

So, say we knew that Colorado was going to get 16 inches in a day or so. The second I got my tweet about it from the Weather Channel, I’d book a flight to Denver and start a vocal warm up.

As the delays began popping up on the monitors, I would hire a few stranded students to start handing out flyers.  I’d make them paper the bathrooms and shoe-shine stands, the bookstores and fifteen-minute massage salons.  I’d have them literally hit the tarmac with hard-core street-team tactics, cause the staff of the airport would be as stranded as the travelers.

Then I’d set up platforms in one of the really big waiting areas– one that had enough to plug 50 or so lights in.  And when delays and cancellations start pouring in, the show would begin.

For really huge storms, I’d have several shows: 12 noon, 3, 6:30, 9 and a 12 midnight one for those not able to get into hotels.  I know this would be effective in getting audience; word of mouth travels far when you have nowhere to go.  And I think my audience will definitely relate to the play.

It would still only add up to a couple thousand people, but if I charge something like $100,000 a ticket, I would be competing head to head with James Cameron in no time.

Okay.  Off to befriend some extremists and pray for really bad weather.  See you at the gate.

Homer Kicks It Off Monday, May 10 2010 

It would be an interesting book, the history of the one-person show.  One can safely surmise that the tradition was around long before Homer, but The Iliad was probably the first really successful solo show ever performed, and without a doubt the longest running.

Homer’s got at least 1000 years on Shakespeare, and at least twice that on Ruth Draper.  The Iliad was so successful that he couldn’t help but knock out a sequel, The Odyssey, and tour the greater Greek Diaspora with that solo show as well.

The reason Homer created these oral traditions is anybody’s guess.  Some scholars in tweed jackets with arm patches hypothesize that he was trying to preserve history before the written word had become as accessible as it was during the Classical Age (5th and 4th century BC, for those who are counting).  Homer was a product of the Archaic Age, (8th to 6th centuries BC).

Others think that it was a way of educating the masses.  By couching ethical guidance in a dramatic framework, as well as important cultural traditions, one could hold an audience’s attention, and better yet, cultivate and preserve it.

But it’s my thesis that Homer originated the one-person show for a very different reason.  The oldest one in the proverbial book, and no, it wasn’t to get laid, though he probably did pretty well with the ladies, or little boys, as history would have it.  The real oldest reason is that most of the time, working with other people sucks.

I imagine, at first, Homer had gathered a group of friends together for a rehearsal of The Iliad, and at that early meeting, when he was telling each person wht their lines would be, there was immediate confusion over what exactly dactylic hexameter was.  In addition, the guy playing Agamemnon was hung over from last night’s libations to Dionysus, the woman playing Helen had already slept with three other cast members, and the kid playing Telemachus was pissed he had to wait for the end of the sequel to get some meaty scenes.

Homer hit a wine bar, sucked down a few skins of fresh pressed grape juice, gnawed a dozen or so Kalamata olives, and after spitting out the pits, said “F this, I’ll do all the parts myself.”

He workshopped the piece on a large flat rock on the Island of Chios, it’s rumored, and the show eventually opened to rave reviews.  His agent had notes, some of which are still extant on papyrus fragments.  The first was that an eight-hour story was not exactly commercial. It would work better as a mini-series with a cliff hanger season finale.

He also told him that you can’t have all the leads die at the end cause it’s depressing.  “Keep one of them alive, Odysseus probably, since he is the wiley, and get him back home to his wife and kid… And for gods sakes, end it up!”

The rest of the fragments have been lost, but certain extant words remain: “merchandizing” is one, and we can safely assume there were anatomically correct action figures for all the main characters sold after performances: Ajax, Paris, Menelaus, The Cyclops and Lotus Eaters, et al.

The agent eventually dropped Homer.  The real action was unfolding in Athens, where multiple thespians were playing out stories, instead of just one.  It was clearly where the medium was going.  Soon, one-person shows would be a thing of the past.  But how wrong he was, as most agents are, about all of it, especially the material’s commercial potential.

As an aside– whenever someone tells you that your artistic venture is not “commercial enough” ask them, in all sincerity, this question: “If I had 10 million dollars for advertising would it be?”  If they hesitate for even a second, knee them in the balls. Then say with smiling confidence, that your venture is plenty commercial.  “It’s as commercial as the commercials and advertising I am going to buy say it is.”

Say, for example, your show is about a guy who is trying to get back home after a war, but can’t for the life of himself stop island hopping.  Doesn’t sound particularly interesting, really.  Not particularly commercial.  But if you backed that production with an all-encompassing media blitz, one that basically told people it was a must-see via television, radio and the interwebs– or in the case of Golden Age Greece, banner ads hung from the Parthenon– then you would probably have a hit.

People might not understand a single word of it.  But they would be able to say they saw it at which cocktail parties they were attending.  And others who had not seen it, but had been besieged by the multiplatform, hyper colorized, overly pull-quoted adverts, would feel inadequate, and left out, and rush to the theater to be part of the sensation.

It’s a tradition as old as the ages, really.

Stage vs. Film Monday, May 10 2010 

There was an awkward moment after the Off-Broadway opening of The Common Air.  The play, which links 6 characters during an airport delay, was written with Robert McCaskill, who also directs.  I play all six of the waylaid souls, making changes in between, with the help of Ken Rich’s music.

But this is about something bigger than all that.  It’s about the entire genre of theater as a whole.

After the show, accolades were pouring in, when I was asked a question by a twentysomething alpha male. “Why do you do theater when you can do TV and film?”  Is what his words said, but his tone was more in the neighborhood of, “Why bother with theater at all?”

He had just completed an episode of Gossip Girl, I learned, and his star had risen beyond doing a play, or so his agent told him.  I pointed out that James Gandolfini was currently in God Of Carnage and Jude Law was on the boards in Hamlet, written by a very popular British playwright.   But the kid was unfazed.

His view was that Gandolfini’s best work was behind him with the end of The Soprano’s– that he couldn’t do any better than a lead in Yasmina Reza’s latest masterpiece.

He had a bit of a ponytail, this punkass, and I fantasized about yanking him to the ground by it like that girl from the New Mexico University women’s soccer team.  There were no referees in sight to dispense a yellow.  And I could be out the door before he got his feet and trounced me, because even in his skinny pants, he was a good foot taller than I.  But instead, I let the wave of anger pass.  And made a mental note to pin an “I’m a dipshit” sign on his back when he turned around.

Perhaps it was a semi-legitimate question for a 19 year old glopped in Redden gel.  Though I came up through the theater, I’ve learned there are many “actors” who’ve never done a play.  It’s a more common in LA than NYC, but it exists pretty much everywhere.  Not only have they never done a play– they basically look down on theater; the stage is what you do when you can’t “make it” on TV or in film.

It brings up an important linguistic issue for me.  Just as Eskimos have 36 different words for snow, so should we in the arts have different words for different types of actors.  If you’ve never ever done a play, for example, you would be called a Schmactor.  If you don’t have a Shakespeare monologue at the ready, you would be called a Crapctor.  And if you landed a TV show ‘cause your agent packaged you with the actor the network really wanted, you’d be a lucky Bastactord.

I didn’t have time to explain all this to the child.  And I would have needed to speak through a beer bong for him to hear me.  But I did contemplate a more insightful answer to why theater, after brushing my teeth that night, or as the celebrations would have it, early morning.

A more insightful answer would have been that in no other medium but theater is there such immediately fulfilling reciprocity.  To stick with the Eskimo thing, It’s a lot like the difference between eating fresh fish versus frozen.  Frozen can be good, but there is something extra special about it when its not: a certain vivacity on the tongue.

You can show a film in front of an audience, but the interaction is one-way; from screen to viewer.  What’s distinctive about the stage is that the viewer can and more often than not does, affect the players.  In that way, each show is its own unique, living entity.

When an audience reacts– be it with concentrated silence or the collective inhalation after a group laugh– the experienced actor takes it in and returns the energy in the delivery of his/her line, and over all performance.  The actor has not choice but to wait out the audience in certain moments, especially after a laugh, so the next line can be heard.  In this way, the relationship is literal in a way film is not.

During my first performance, I bobbled a prop, made the save, and then spontaneously offered it to the audience.  The fourth wall hadn’t been broken, but I was close enough to see my breath on the glass.  The relief of the audience, followed by their empathetic laughter, filled me with a spark of confidence.  And it changed the way the next line was delivered.  It’s a wondrous thing when it happens.

Two characters in the play speak Arabic: the Immigrant, who opens, and The American, who closes the show.  During a performance in LA, it was clear there were Arabic speakers in the house from their reactions.  It affected me in a way no rehearsal could have.  Knowing Iragis were in the audience, hearing them respond, connected me more deeply to the entangled identities of my own characters.

That experience would never happen on a film set.  It’s one small example in many of why any actor bothers doing theater.  And why the tradition has thrived for centuries, meaning millennia.  To influence, even contribute to the making of a performance, simply by spectating, reacting, breathing, laughing.

It’s why writers keep writing for the stage.  It’s why movie stars work for scale to do plays that are 100, or 400, or 2500 years old.  It’s why you buy tickets for three times the price, and leave your homes to sit among strangers.

It’s why theater will never die.

The Air In Ojai Saturday, May 1 2010 

I did not recognize the 805 area code, but after answering my reliably spotty iPhone, I was surprised to learn it was an equity theater in Ojai, California who wanted to produce The Common Air.  It was seventy miles north of LA, I was told by a sultry feminine voice.

I had visited Ojai once with a friend and was instantly enchanted.  The area has a reputation for being the consummate spiritual remedy to Hollywood’s dedicated shallows.  But since when did they have a theater?

As a child of the 70’s, I knew Ojai as the home of Jamie Summers, The Bionic Woman.  Ra-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-paaa… On my first visit, I learned about a lesser know superhero named Krishnamurti.  He was a spiritual teacher who preached against organized religion.  His retreats in the 70’s drew some 15,000 people from near and far.  They sought him out as their guru, even though he claime he was neither profit nor priest.  He passed away not long ago, but his institute just outside of town still draws acolytes from around the globe.

Things happen a little differently in Ojai.  There’s something preternatural here: a mystical vortex that’s been drawing the enlightened to it since 1837.  Ojai means, “Valley of the Moon”, a name bestowed on it by the Native American Cumash tribe, the region’s maiden inhabitants.

Unlike most valleys on the continent, Ojai lays at the base of an east-west mountain range.  As a result, the skies produce what locals label a “Pink Moment”: a startling hue of pink above the Topatopa Bluffs.  It’s impossible to take for granted, even for life-time residents.

A walk down main street can feel like an outtake from any of Clint Eastwood’s early spaghetti westerns.  The town is anchored by a distinctly Spanish-style arcade, and local architecture ranges from sunburnt Cuban to Colonial revivalism.  Adding to the hamlet’s authenticity is the constant waft of patchouli, or any variation there of, through the airs of the farmer’s market, and the preponderance of men in white beards and sandals

Just past the end of the main strip, on the corner of Matilija and Montgomery, is Theater 150, a jewelbox of a space with an appropriately theatrical history.

The company began in a pool hall in 1996, True West was their first production and after attending, Sam Shepard said, “Their production was one of the best I’ve ever seen.”  A decade later, the company moved into a bankrupt mortuary.  It was 2006, the same year that the local hospital closed down their maternity ward.  The local joke goes that you can no longer be born or die in Ojai.  Thankfully, the theater scene is alive and well.

The morgue’s two smaller rooms have been converted into an office space, and a cozy 50 seat theater.  The embalming room, where bodies were drained and painted, has morphed into the kitchen.  And the largest viewing room has become a acoustically perfect 99 seat mainstage.

Co-artistic directors Chirs Nottoli and Debra Norton have been drawing a high caliber of talent since taking over.

Their production of The Common Air was strong.  And their audiences responded.  People often ask about the difference between west coast and east coast audiences.  I can’t say I have found many.  People who attend plays are in general curious and engaged.  Some are even looking for a challenge.  Even in Hollywood this is true.  But there is a certain appreciation in a place like Ojai that is absent in NYC and LA.

We get spoiled in Manhattan with all the options for great nights out.  Critics in the city take pride in being unimpressed, even while lobbing expletives at playwrights like Stoppared and Mamet and McDonagh.  LA’s nearly tangible desperation often clouds people from letting their guard down enough to be moved.  The feedback in that city is inevitably couched in contemporary movie and tv show examples. It’s a tragic vernacular, really.  All while they’re telling you to end it up.

In Ojai, the show hit a metaphorical sweet spot with the audience.  They were very clear on the message of the show.  In today’s complex world, people often lose what’s real.  They have seen their share of good work pass through: American Buffalo, Fuddy Meers, Stop Kiss, I am My Own Wife, Hamlet.

Their next production might be the best of all.  It’s an original play Chris and Deb have co-written, in which the two leads, played by themselves, will be married, as a way for Chris and Deb to marry in real life.  Invited guests are the audience, and ticket sales are going to the theaters budget for the next year.  Like I said, things happen a little differently in Ojai.

Unfriendly Skies Wednesday, Apr 21 2010 

The pleasure of doing anything on stage is who might be in the audience that night, and I don’t mean celebrities.  Exiting the theater last night, I was greeted by two casually dressed blond women in their 50’s.

“We had to say hello,” said the taller one.  “I’ve worked for United Airlines as a flight attendant since the 60’s and have to say that was one of the more interesting angles on an airport I’ve ever seen.”

The first thing she commented on was the irony of all pre-recorded terminal announcements.

When an airport loses it’s functionality due to a possible terrorist crisis, the calm, canned message about not leaving your baggage unattended becomes truly ridiculous.  But the announcements continue because they are automated, adding further to the irony.  There isn’t a caring person behind the warning.  It just sounds like there is.

The conversation led quickly to security.  In the play, the Texan character argues that in airports, everything we think is there to protect us is nothing more than advanced theatrics.

“The checkpoints, the X-rays, the National Guard… I think we all know at this point they don’t really stop anybody. They’re a symbol of a barrier.  A gracious response to our fear of attack.”  (His cell phone rings, as he adds) “Not unlike my marriage.”

It’s a line that often gets a laugh, but this woman didn’t think it was funny.  “I see those kids at TSA (Transportation Security Administration) and they’re half asleep.  Jonesing for a cigarette with their shirts untucked.  When you fly out of Bun Gurion in Israel, or even Charles DeGaulle in Paris, you feel a level of tenseness even if you have nothing to hide.  Security in those places is no joke. They have Special Forces guys walking around.  There’s a pride and a seriousness we lack so utterly.  And terrorists know it.  They’re testing us right now.  Incident by incident.”

What she said next gave me chills.

“We’re the ones in control of your safety: it’s the flight attendants.  And because of what we know about the airplane, we’re the first to die.  That’s what happened on 9/11.  Kill a flight attendant to show you’re serious, and the others will submit, and give whatever information they have to about the aircraft to save their own life.”

She went on to describe how in her 30 years of working for United she has become an expert in reading people.  Call it psychological profiling or behavioral analytics or even a hunch.  But my new friend from United never sounded more confident about her skill.

“The reason we stand in front of that cockpit and say “welcome aboard” to every single passenger is to read them.  We say, “Hi there!” with a warm smile, but we’re really taking those few seconds to make an evaluation.  And I have strengthened that instinct more than you can imagine over the years. I can tell who is going to get air sick, who is going to get drunk, who is going to get all anxious and be difficult, and who is going to try and hit on me, all in about 3 seconds.  I can also tell who I’ll be able to turn to for help.  Who is the fireman, the veteran, the athlete?   They are my allies, though they may never know it.”

She went on to describe incidents where she was suspicious.  A person’s energy extends from their bodies in roughly a four-foot radius, I was told.  Something a calm or friendly face can’t cover… yet.  She has never been involved in a terrorist incident, thankfully, but she s preparing for it.

To bring this back to the theater, I will say that what terrorists must get better at is acting.  When we see these characters on the news, the ones that try and put bombs in their underwear, or set their shoes on fire, they look like the type you’d imagine, don’t they?

This won’t last long.  Along with learning how to assemble bombs in an airplane bathroom will come jovial pop cultural references, hipper dress, and a deeper cover of their more vile intensions.

I had a mess of feelings after this flight attendant told me she was really the last line of defense. And that it all came down to a personal gut feeling.  But I also understood that it was the purest form of self-preservation there can be.  She reads the behavior of each passenger for her own safety.  And what can be more reassuring than that?

“Congratulations on a thoughtful piece of work,” she said, turning to leave.  “And by the way, Continental doesn’t fly out of JFK.  Just Newark.  Something my friends will get a kick out of when I tell them they must see the show…”

The Topography of an Audience pt 1 Monday, Jan 11 2010 

From the stage, it’s never boring figuring out what type of audience you‘re performing for.  Audiences are limitlessly fascinating.  They’re living organisms.  They may act as a whole, but like all multi-celled creatures, there are numerous independently operating parts.  Some of those parts can thrive, while others get infected, and die.  Often, surgery is necessary, though getting consent can be a bitch.

Theater professionals, for lack of a better term, are often heard debating audience profiles: the difference between a Friday and Saturday night crowd is a hot topic.  Some believe that Fridays are the best as people are excited to start their weekend.  They’re responsive and laugh-ready because workaholic New Yorkers more often than not, opt for liquid dinners, appearing at the theater well lubricated for an 8 o’clock curtain.

Those advocating for Saturdays will counter that Friday Nighters are exhausted from the week and not nearly as alert as the Saturday Nighters who’ve had a night’s rest and are amped for their one planned social event of the week.  But this can be a liability.  Expectations are higher, and having too much time to dine can lead to food comas– the one where the audience is as silent as an oil painting, only to tell you afterwards how they were laughing on the inside.

You can bank on an older crowd for Sunday matinees.  But for all the teasing our beloved Blue Hairs receive, they’re dedicated audiences.  The Common Air is contemporary.  There are obscure references to Grand Theft Auto and Lacanian language philosophy; cruder jokes about the gay nightlife in Mykonos and banging cocktail waitresses.  The Blue Hairs are with it all the way.  Just because they’re a little slower to enter, doesn’t mean their minds aren’t sharp as whips.  They are far more discerning than the young Obligators.

Obligators are those acquaintances that promised they’d come, and show up on a Sunday ‘cause they’d never waste a Friday or Saturday night in the theater.  They’re attention is at half.  They don’t turn off their phones, just silence them.  And they usually greet you with an email a week later, rather than a personal hello.  Their time is limited.  They’ve got other people to be superficial with.  But unlike the Bastard People, they showed up, and god bless’em.

The Bastard People are the most enthusiastic, most verbal, and most full of shit acquaintances that never show at all.  But in the build up to the run, they promise to bring multitudes with them.  Or their friend who’s really close with Tom Hanks.  A dead give that your very encouraging new acquaintance is actually is a Bastard Person, is the question, “How long is your run?” It’s one of those ways of saying, I want to know when it’s over, so I can prepare that many excuses for never coming to see your play.

Wednesdays and Thursday nights are reliably solid as expectations are lower for a night’s fulfillment, unlike Friday or Saturday when it better be good.  Tuesdays are consistently tasty, as anyone in a theater on a Tuesday is there because they want to be.  Most other nights you’ll likely find part of the audience coerced: “It’s Friday! Come with us even though you hate one-person shows!”

And sometimes, if they’re lucky, they actually do.

The Topography of an Audience pt 2 Monday, Jan 11 2010 

Once they settle into their seats, the topography of an audience is a fascinating thing to measure.  Bleecker 45 is a 300 seat house with a thrust stage, meaning the audience envelops the performer on the left and right side: the stage thrusts into the audience.  Take from that what you will.

What’s most intriguing is the distinct reactions you hear from each area.  Perhaps, like the left and right brain, audience left and right are accountable for different functions.

Not unlike the right cranial hemisphere, those sitting stage right are more verbal, more expressive.  They appear to get the over all with more clarity, and more quickly, whereas there’s much more chin scratching on the left.  Like that part of the brain, it feels like the left is lost in thought, dissecting the individual parts.

Front Row People are a distinct, almost archtypical breed.  There are the first tickets that sell via Telecharge, so you often get your most avid theatergoers.  They sit very still, wide-eyed, moving only to dodge the spittle from consonants like P and T.

Watch any concert video from Led Zeppelin to George Michael and you’ll see the blissed-out look of the Front Row People.  Scientists have hypothesized that such close proximity triggers a biochemical transference with the spectacle unfolding so closely in front of them.  There’s no barrier between them and the artist.  No other energy to get in the way.  So if the performer is on, and the adrenaline is flowing, so will it be in the spectator.

This is the opposite of the Back Row Distracted.  More often than not, these are the people who smoked way too much dope in high school.  They’re in the back because they’re rebels.  They bought tickets at the last minute because they didn’t really wanna see this stupidass play.  And they take advantage of their anonymity by rustling, shifting, and sighing.

Fortunately, the Back Row Distracted are balanced by the Eager Broke: students and other artists who simply can’t afford a closer seat.  They sit transfixed, following every moment with respectful attention, emitting loud shushes and daggered gazes to match the apathetic ho-hums of their very likely stoned row mates.  It’s the battle of the galleys during every performance, though you don’t realize it.

Then there’s the Centré audience, which at it’s best, can be like the middle of a high-grade filet: melt in your mouth juicy.  This area of seating is also the most vulnerable to groupthink, as they are sandwiched between all the reactions around them.  They’re getting hit aurally from the laughter behind them, and can see the spasms of those giggling in front of them.  They are going to go with the flow.

It can work against you though, as they can just as easily be influenced by the impatient shifts and head bobs of those falling asleep.  (There is a special category for The Snorer.  And right next to that category is the person who doesn’t nudge the snorer awake.  You’re both going to a kinder ring of Dante’s Inferno).

In short, any good performance will include a strategy for controlling not only the middle, but also the entire house.  There are varying methodologies for success.  One can take the Napoleonic approach of slowly wearing down the flanks, and then diving through the center, or one could opt for Alexander the Great’s technique, which charges head forth into the center, splits it open, and then devours from the inside out.

It all depends on your view from the stage.  Yes, we performers are watching you, the audience, just as closely.  And man, can you put on a show.

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